Interrupt

I interrupt this documenting of all the great-and-funny-moments-blog to unleash.

I plan to hit publish at the end of this blog.

For a couple of reasons.

1. I want to keep it real.  On the very outside chance someone reads this who is learning about Autism or parenting (God help you) from the words written here, I want to be real.

2. I need to get out of my head and onto paper (virtual paper counts as paper).

3. Someday, I plan for this blog to bear witness of what life was like.

The other day the Princess and I were driving home.  At some point she randomly and very rudely accused me of pulling her out of swim team and she decided, at that moment, to be mad at me.

I calmly, and then not so calmly, told her she refused to go to practice most mornings.  I would force her to go in spite of the yelling and complaining.  Once we arrived at the pool, she would refuse to swim.  Swim team cost hundreds of dollars.  We finally just stopped the madness.

She was shocked.  

"I really did all of those things?"

"Yes."

"Oh.  I don't remember that."

I don't imagine this will be the last time I am accused of awful parenting.

But I would be lying if I created this blog to look like each moment here is fun.

Lately, it has been almost the opposite of fun.

To be fair, we have moments that are great.  

I could probably find a good moment in each day.  

But I have to work hard to find that many.

Every day is hard.

Not just a little hard.  

Really hard.

Autism can really, really suck.

And then I feel awful for saying it.

Here's the deal.  

For the Prince - I can say Crohn's disease sucks.  I can say I want to take Crohn's out behind the barn and beat the snot out of it.  And in saying that, I am on his side and being a great parent.

If I say the same about Autism, I am somehow complaining about the core of my Princess and her very being.

It makes me a traitor.

But there are days, many, many days that I find this dumb disorder almost unbearable.  

I feel like it holds her hostage.

It limits her potential.

It gets in her way.

And it exhausts me.

I have to be ON as a mother every single minute.

In a lot of ways it is very similar to parenting a 2 year old every single day for 12 years.

Relationships are hard.

Going places feels impossible.

People lack understanding - even people that should know better.

Help is limited.

And sometimes my big-girl-panties just can't be pulled up.

I desperately wish I could express what I mean when I say hard.  

I wish I could adequately capture even a few hours of a typical day.

It just isn't possible to use words to explain. 

So, I sigh, and I hit publish.

And I wait for the next funny or crazy moment to document. Because those are the moments that make this journey possible. 

Our Dad is better than your dad!

He's patient.

He's gentle.

He's kind.

He's the best dad for these kids...and their sister (who was probably outside playing with her spider).

And he's smoking hot.  Who can ask for more?

SNAKE!!!!

I wasn't there to witness the beginning of this event.

But the retelling had me dying laughing...

Here's how it happened...

Our neighbor/friend/landlord knocked on the door and told us that there was a pretty large snake in his shed.  And because he knows my Princess, he automatically wanted to give her the chance to see it.

The Princess was showering.

My first instinct was to NOT tell her.

My hubby went out to the shed to check out the snake.

When he came back inside he said, "We have to let her go look at it.  It's huge!"

Against my better judgement.

And because I'm such a great mom.

And because I knew two adult men would be with her

I said, "FINE."

She rocketed out of her room, after a reminder that she needed clothes (small detail), and headed for the shed.

As I understand the story, the snake was kind of behind a tractor-ish machine (leave me alone about my lack of farm equipment knowledge)

The two adult men were with the Princess.

One of them had a tool...I think a hoe with a long handle.

The Princess walked directly to the snake, bent down and petted it on the head.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

As she sat in front of it, the men could see the back end of what appeared to be a 5 to 6 foot snake

it began to coil up.

Suddenly, the snake recoiled.

The men jumped

There may have been some gasping.

The Princess wasn't phased.

She and the man with the hoe walked around the tractor (or maybe it was just a mower, who knows) to look for the snake.

Apparently, the snake started to make a break for freedom - heading outside.

That's when the Princess decided to alter the future.

She jumped onto the snake.

ONTO

People, this is not normal behavior for a 12 year old girl.

The details of what the men/guardians were doing at this moment are sketchy at best.

In my mind, they were screaming like girls.

As the story goes,

The Princess had that snake in her hands in a matter of seconds.

At some point in the process she said, "he got me!"

I missed it all.

God is good.

I was sitting inside, happily oblivious until my husband came in and said, "You need to come see what your daughter is holding."

"And you might want to grab your camera."

**Not pictured is the moment she was wearing it like a scarf.

Because she will love it one day.

I'm not entirely sure this is true.

But I do know it's great for her body!

She has a very cool coach.

And after 45 minutes, she's exhausted.

Win-Win-Win

Read

Dear Princess and Prince,

I am not trying to be "dumb", "stupid", "bossy", or even a "jerk".  

I'm not certain I can say the same for either of you.

I make you brush your teeth. I make you eat vegetables, I make you go to bed to get good rest...

I am also going to make you read. 

Period.

I've stopped caring if you love it. 

I've practically stopped caring if you love me.  

Both of you are acting as if this is potentially the MoSt. Abusive. Thing. Ever.  

Your life is too good. 

If this is "the worst thing EVER!"...then I need to do a better job of introducing you to actual bad things. 

I have a strong sense that you both believe you can wear me down with all of the tantrum throwing and name calling over being made to read. 

However, your actions have only strengthened my resolve. See, I won't be beaten. When I enter a battle, I prepare to win. At all costs. 

Happy summer!

Xoxo

New Summer Experience

After about 15 seconds of thinking about it, we decided to hire a college student to help with the kiddos this summer. Just a few hours a week.

I wanted to be able to take the older 2 swimming. And not mess up the Knight's napping schedule. 

And, let's face it...a two year old at a swimming pool is a suicide mission...on a good day.  So basically, I didn't want to torture myself and the big kids with a toddler at the pool -- very often. 

An extra person allows me to send the big kids to the pool with her on days when I need to stay home.  Or take the bigs and leave the sitter here.  Or plan little fun trips and leave the Knight at home napping without a full disruption of our schedule!

I'm getting excited to see how it plays out!  

But I have to say, the big kids seem way more excited than I expected. 

Maybe it's because the whole idea of a babysitter is foreign to them.  And new is exciting. Or maybe, and highly likely, they hope the babysitter is not as lame as mom.

They are fighting over who gets to spend more time with her. They are asking a million questions about her and when she will get here.  Thankfully, she is on her way as I type. 

The Princess is standing in the driveway holding a skink and a broken egg shell waiting to greet her.

I can only imagine the stories!

Me and the 3 - Our DNA couldn't have created this much beauty!

All in a Weekend

I would tell you a story.

But as they say,

A picture is worth a thousand words.

These are pictures of the Princess and her "finds" in one weekend.

You can imagine my great joy.

Alright, technically, she didn't find this. The neighbor boys did. But for the record, she's the only one who stuck her finger inside it's shell to 'pet his nose.'

A second snake. This one bit. But the Princess was ok with that.

Me...not so much.

Remember this guy? He escaped. We thought he was long gone. He turned up in the garage, behind the shelves, over the weekend. She caught him, again.

This is simply awful.

Mary had a little lamb

Ok, fine. 

The Princess had a little skink, little skink, little skink.

The Princess had a little skink it's skin was slick as...snot.

It followed her to school one day, school one d...

Wait,

Wha?????

True story.

She got ready for school.  Happy.  Helpful.  Speedy.

Frankly, I blame myself for the oversight.  The flags were waving.

I headed to a dentist appointment.

Nana was here with the little Knight babysitting.

I glanced at my phone and realized I had an email from school.

I opened it.

And I laughed outloud.  Literally.

It said, "She just informed me that she brought her skink to school.  It is in the side pocket of her bag with no cage.  I see it being a problem without a cage."

I called Nana.

Nana also laughed outloud.

And then Nana realized she was the only person able to go pick up the skink from school.  She abruptly stopped laughing.

So she did what any normal girl would do.  She tracked down Papa. He rode along to the Middle School - as point person to hold the skink.

When the handoff happened between the teacher and Papa...Papa asked the question, "She didn't bring the snake too, did she?"

And in my mind, everyone laughed heartily at the funny Princess and her escapades.

I may live in a fantasy land.

Let me have it...it's how I cope.

Critters

It started when a friend stopped by the Ranch and mentioned, casually, that he had seen a lizard out by the building.

That's all it took for the Princess.

She set out to catch it.

My dad was here.  As he left, his last words may have been, "She'll never catch that thing."

It's never smart to bet against the Princess.

It took her over an hour.

She sat in a perfect paleo squat position.

Patiently waiting.

And in the process she found this.

I know it's little.

Like a worm.

Don't kid yourself.

It's a snake.

Little or big...a snake is a snake.

She kept them both.  In a box, well, a storage tub actually.

In the garage.

Before bed she ran out to the garage to "tuck them in."

After a few minutes she walked back through the living room

Said she was tired and heading to bed.

My instinct is wicked fast.

And usually spot on.

I simply said, "Stop."

She did.  Looked at me.  Waited.

"Go put it back."

At this point my hubby looked over at me like I was a little crazy.

I just sat and kept my eyes on my Princess.

After a few seconds she said, "Fine."

And turned towards the garage.

"I was just warming him [snake] up."

I threatened her.  I mean really let loose and left no question in her mind -- IF she brought either snake or lizard into my house again, I would squish them dead.

Fast forward to this morning...

She came stumbling out of her room, all wild-haired and sleepy-eyed.  I'm a sucker for sleep-warmed kids with messy hair and slurred offerings of good mornings.  I love to hug them close, kind of mush them into me.  But before I had the chance, she said, "I'm going to check on the skink and the snake."

Sigh.

And then she said, "I can't find the snake."

So I moved.

My new address is 1001 JustBarelyCoping Drive Avenue, Crazyville USA.

Come visit.

Bring boots.

Easter

Autism Awareness Day!

My Princess is in 6th grade.

Middle school!

I remember those years as being some of the hardest.

To say I was concerned about sending my Princess to the middle school fully loaded down with her autism, would be a massive understatement.

I was terrified.

But there are these people.

These amazing, calm, long-suffering, accommodating, inventive, patient, understanding, firm, beautiful teachers and staff who have surrounded my girl with everything she needs to thrive!

Today she wore a Tshirt that says "Live Loud for Autism". When I dropped her off at school, she immediately showed her shirt to one of her special paras. The para was wearing an Autism Awareness shirt as well.

Then my Princess kissed me goodbye and headed in the door! Only to be greeted by donuts for a special treat on this day for these special kids.

An email came rolling in from one of her teachers letting me know that my Princess was happily showing off her shirt and excited to see other people wearing Awareness shirts! Princess quote for the day as she was showing off her shirt, "and I even have autism."

That my friends is well placed self-confidence!

Oh Dear

She saved up her good behavior tickets.

She was super excited.

Then she brought it home.

It's awful.

It blinks and purrs and moves it's body.

If you've ever had that irrational fear of stuffed animals coming to life in the night...you'd be in good company with me now.

She carries it around everywhere.

The moment I saw the cat for the first time, the Princess said, "if you try to get rid of this or anything, you'll have me to deal with."

Frankly she was wise to threaten me.

Until I saw the bones...

The story of my life can be summed up in this one quote from a friend on her first visit to my house.

"I wondered if this was the right house, until I saw the bones."

Giveaway!!

You know how all the cool blogs do giveaways? Free Kitchen Aide mixers, cameras, t-shirts, etc. if you comment and answer a question.

Well, I'm joining in.

Tell me what it was like at your house this morning...and you'll be entered in a drawing to win one of my two older children.

They come with cute clothes.

P.s. remember yesterday and my love for my children post...?? Well, I'm still human.

Happy Monday morning.

I expect to hear from each one of you.

Pre-Spring Break Trip

The kids were off of school on Thursday and Friday.

At the last moment we decided to take a trip to Austin, Texas for a long weekend.

Some of our best family friends live outside of Austin...as well as my oldest brother.  Bonus and bonus.

We picked the kids up from school on Wednesday with the car fully loaded and hit. the. road.

9 hours of driving plus stops.

Given the minor detail that we are chaos on wheels, we were prepared for anything...including by not limited to:  DVDs, PS3 with controllers, books on tape, books (for real), snacks, drinks, headphones, paper towels, regular towels, throw-up containers, and the regular travel essentials.

The beauty of never knowing what to expect, is that sometimes the thing that happens is perfection!  We traveled 3 plus hours and stopped for dinner.  Bedded everyone down with full bellies and clean diapers (where applicable) and the entire crew slept for the rest of the 6.5 hours of drive time.  This meant that the adults...me and my guy...had 6.5 hours of pure bliss, together.

Trip Highlights:

~Sleeping went fairly well for the most part.  Big bonus for me, since not sleeping makes for a crank-pot mommy.

~My sweet forever friend was gracious the entire time (even with the moments of disaster that included her couch being scrubbed with a commercial vacuum-enough said).

~My Princess made her way to my friend's bed VERY. EARLY. in the morning to chat and sing songs from Mine Craft.  My friend said it was fine, even though it really wasn't.

~My Princess also made her way to the backyard pool before 8 a.m. to do a little cleaning.  The water temp was 62 degrees.  The outside air temp was 64 degrees.  She was undeterred.  

Big fun addition to our trip was visiting another CrossFit Box (read: gym).  After all those hours in the car, I desperately wanted to workout.  I made contact with an affiliate in the area and dropped in. Got a great workout in and met some great folks.

After being in Texas for 12 hours, I couldn't take it anymore...I HAD to see my big brother.  We got to chat and snuck in a quick lunch, just the two of us.  Wonderful.

Day Two was a trip to Sea World San Antonio.

Couple of details:  The place was like a ghost town.  The Friday before Spring Break is the best day to visit Sea World, hands down. The weather was a little misty and upper 60's to low 70's.

Also, The Princess, in Princess fashion, got plucked from the crowd during the Beluga show as the one and only audience member to feed the Beluga.  Here's how is went down.  She wanted to sit in the splash zone.  We didn't.  We took a big breath and sent her to sit alone.  She ended up sitting in the area with a large group of kids on a school field trip.  During the show the trainer and whale swam to the edge.  The trainer reached for a fish out of the "treat" bucket and in a flash my Princess was up and out of her seat headed towards the whale.  We gasped and then held our breath.  We had no idea why she was out of her seat.  We hadn't seen the trainer call to her. We also knew we couldn't get to her.  So we waited.  She grabbed that huge fish and flung it into the whale's mouth and clapped her sweet little hands.  Did a little dance and headed back to her seat.  We exhaled and laughed.  How does this happen to her?  She's special, I tell ya.

The day was fun.  Mixed with typical kid-flavored annoyances of begging and fighting and complaining.  But mostly fun.  That my internet-friends, is success in our little corner of the world.

The kids became obsessed with roller-coster rides.  We grabbed it up as opportunity to force them to be together.  They went on most of the rides sitting together.  Big smiles!

Parking Lot. I tell you, ghost town!

I wasn't sure we would be able to top a day like Sea World!

But we managed to make Saturday a fun-filled Texas day as well.

It was no where near warm enough to swim.  THAT doesn't stop my Princess.

The park seemed a little more reasonable for the Prince!

And then we got the chance to take the little Knight on a Choo-Choo ride!  He loved it.

A true vacation means no makeup and no flat-iron for me!

Spring Break

For all practical purposes...Spring Break for our family was really here.  (Go on...I'll wait)

For our real spring break, my husband had to travel with work.

Better to not get me started.

But I'm gonna tell ya...I have THE BEST parents on the planet.

They made it their mission to not let spring break fail for us.  And they delivered a fantastic-activty-filled-hilarious-moments-spring-break.  It did not disappoint.

My father has worked to enter my kids in a Wild Life Challenge Activity that requires them to complete different "challenges" with pictures to prove.  Oh. My. Gosh.  I love this idea.  Better yet, that my father is doing it with my kids.

Here's how it went down:

~Feed a bird

~Hike a Trail

***He doesn't actually have a black hole in his mouth. I'm not sure what the picture did. But just to be clear...

Even the little Knight got in some hike time!

In an effort to complete even more challenges, Papa took the Princess on an extended field trip to a local lake.

Before she left, I asked her if she knew my phone number in case anything happened and she needed to call me.  **The backstory goes like this:  My father has Meniere's Disease.  It's an inner ear disorder.  Early on in his disease, he and I were in the park on a walk.  He had an extreme attack of dizziness and fell right over.  Fine one minute and flat on the ground the next.  It scared the crap out of me.  I truly thought he was dead...for like 22 seconds.  Then I was furious.  Probably because he kind of laughed at my reaction (some would describe as overreaction).  In any event, I am always prepared for the worst.  I wanted the Princess to know my cell number in case of...well...ahem...anything.  So I wrote it on her arm.  My father thinks that was a little much.

But here's the deal.  They don't stay in the car.  Or even on well marked paths when they go on field trips.  They go all in.

Proof:
She had to wear his extra pants home.  He travels with extra pants because he knows that he occasionally needs to completely change clothes before he can even get back home.  **And he thinks I over-prepare with a simple phone number on an arm.  Hmphh.

It's a reasonable question to ask why she needed to wear his extra pants home.  It would be because her pants looked like this:

And here is what she brought home.  Treasures!  Pure treasures!  The first thing my husband asked when he saw the pictures..."where are all of those treasures at now?  My answer is, "I don't know but I just bought a plug-in air freshener for her room today."

And then she used all of her dead animal parts to do a little freestyle creative expression.

And not to be outdone...I needed a turn too.